Monday. 4.11.05 9:44 pm

Why do you cry?
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Sunday. 4.10.05 10:20 pm
Why do we insist on living up to our parents' expectations? Then even when we try not to they're still "proud" of us? Just like why can't my mom tell me she's mad at me, instead of making me feel bad by saying she's "just disappointed" in me? I feel like I'm bound to living life one way, and only one way. I have to live up to this little picture perfect daughter that my mom wants me to be. But she doesn't know the half of it. I hate how she fucks with my mind so much too. Because of her I'm so lost and self concious that I can't even look in a mirror without worry about who/ what I'll see. I'm only 5 pounds above the average weight for my age and height... but my mom makes this whole huge deal about it and it makes me feel so bad. Plus she gets mad at me because I'm not loosing any weight and she's had me on a diet for close to a year now. I can hardly eat anything when I'm at home. And if I start to eat at school I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I wish she would paint out for me what she thinks I should look like and how I should act. Everything would be so much easier then.
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